News

FIRST ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE RESULTS IN WIKI                                                                 2020-11-01 

Scientists made their first test for artificial intelligence sunday night by invading the regiment teamspeak. They started to throw out automated messages via soundboards in the drinking hall where they ran a Wiki simulation, which fooled everyone. The ''never close to gefreiter almost ex-skirm but Fusilier iron cross retrograded'' Black Eagle member didn't even need to be in the channel for us to think he was.

''I think initial tests show a conclusive response, we are very proud of our work, but knowing that would grant Wiki immortality we would've chosen another test subject'' -Griphinn

For the last of the test they actually brought in the real Wiki to see how great the bot was. The toxicity level reached a record level as real Wiki and fake Wiki were battling out to claim the title of the only wiki.

''We won't need the Wiki anymore. I mean, if an accident occurs, we'll be able to live on with his best of'' -Apex

The initial test subject was apparently chosen to be Wiki because of the fact that he was not present enough in the teamspeak or the events. Rapper TJ McGowan was indeed recording his second album which we are still waiting on a demo. His absence from Holdfast led to A.I. testing and also led to a FAKE INTERVIEW campaign where regiment members can still send a question to ask wiki. 

The real question is, will we ask the fake Wiki to answer the FAKE INTERVIEW questions? Only time will tell...

 

SPOOKY 7.FUß EVENT SCARES PLAYERS BY CRASHING THE SERVER                           2020-10-31 

Remember the 63e event? Remember the lag? The crashes? The delays? Well, Halloween event got you covered on those as the saturday line battle turned into a nightmare when the Guard uniform was switched for friggin skeletons. The ''Very old guards'' made the server crash in a non fancy way for Halloween, everyone was scared that the regiment transformed the saturday event into another lag festival.

''We wanted to make a very special thing for Halloween, so when I was modding the uniforms I was telling myself ''what can I do to make everything crash properly?'', the idea of the skeleton popped in my head, it was perfect.'' - Apex

Pog fog was another elements deeply thought by the admins, which turned out amazing... until the 26th complained that their Cavalry couldn't see a thing and that we should turn off the fog so they can play.

''Do they even know what Cav is?'' -Ron Swanson

After the inital crash, skeletons were removed but Zombie uniforms were kept. Everyone had a lot of fun, especially Big Booger Bobby. We can't explain with words what he was doing, but ask him about his Allan Grant experience.



GOOGLE ADSENSE KEEPS REJECTING WEBSITE, LOS IS RICH, DOESN'T CARE     2020-10-16 

Ads, website visits and publicity... all things that should bring revenue to a website in normal circumstances, but not for the 7.Fuß because we got LOS, and he's rich. After weeks of trying to get approved by google adsense to not only finance the website but also to bring more money in for different regiment services (giveaways, more features, etc.), the website team resumed their activities on october 24th, regardless of google's verdict.

''We need to move forward with the website, we can't just wait here for months and remove content or not add anything just to please and unpleasable company'' -ApexPhantom

Regiment major LOS declared that the monthly fee for the website is ''not that bad afterall'' and he can manage it for a certain time while we find a way to get google to approve everything.

''I'm not rich... it's 10$'' -LOS

Website team will still resume it's activity, an announcement on the new team members should also be made soon. Giveaways should also resume.

 

7.FUß STEALS 63e EVENT                                                                                                                          2020-09-27 

Server crashes, latent ping and windmill blowing from 2nd Kompanie made the leadership of the 7.Fuß decide to steal the event out of the 63e tonight. After the server crashed once, nothing was unusual. People kept waiting out of the server like every single sunday and the event was about to start over at 8:25 est. as usual. But then the server crashed again after the first round. 7.Fuß, the KRA and the TRR were not happy about it and decided to protest by organising the last rounds on the 7.Fuß home server.

''After 2nd Kompanie came up in our teamspeak channel and started blowing in their microphones, that was it. We couldn't take it anymore and we decided to run into our own server and do a sunday internal, but external'' -Jev

63e server issues are very well known on the Holdfast community and admins have had hard time trying to find the issues. But that's not the end of the story, after connecting to the 7.Fuß server... it ALSO crashed.

''HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA'' -Misha, 63e

The overall event was canceled in the end and promotion ceremony was done on the fly before 9. Suggestion forms were overflowing with the obvious: ''Don't crash the servers please''. Cavalry is also suspected to have crashed the server when ApexPhantom joined them. Having the best melee guy in the regiment on a horse was too much for the game to handle.

 

SUNDAY EVENT CLOSE TO BEING INTERNALS                                                                            2020-09-13 

When your regiment grows too big, it's really hard and really exciting to be able to shove it in other's faces (see what I did there). This is pretty much what's happening right now with the 7.Fuß who had a 1 on 1 regiment battle with the TRR on the 63e event this sunday. At some point we even had to send some troops to help the TRR. 

We lost. Having a lot of recruits makes it harder to do training for everyone, but could eventually solve itself. If the regiment gets enough recruits, we would be able to show 200 people every event and call it an internal. 

''We thought we needed a merge, because a merger makes history. Eventually what's gonna happen is we're gonna have a 7.Fuß merger with the 7.Fuß, THEN we will dominate the napoleonic war'' -LOS, 7.Fuß Major

Having internals all the time could result in having training every event in some sort, would get the regiment ready for future competitive events. With the Cav detachment getting seperated from the Feldjäger-Corps and the eventual opening of 3rd Kompanie, spots are opened in the 7.Fuß which won't need to recruit at some point.

 

FANS GROW IMPATIENT AS FAKE NEWS/INTERVIEWS DON'T COME OUT             2020-09-03 

Almost 1 month, that's the time that passed since we got a last FAKE News, not talking about the infamous FAKE interviews yet. A lot of fans gathered on the canadian border yesterday to protest and show their frustration due to the lack of FAKE stuff getting out.

''I'm tired of Fox news, McDonald's is good but when you eat it everyday it gets old. I'm tired of fake news happy meal, I need some divine bacon'' -iMarmot

The FAKE news pages was off for a month but that's nothing compared to the FAKE interviews. The page was revealed 3 months ago, then there was a giveaway for a month on it and nothing since. Regiment Major Jev Anthens has some theories about the absence of his interview:

 

''Either TANK just loves giving games and found a way to make another giveaway, of he's on strike because of the merger since he'll have to re-do the whole website with Apex when it's completed. Anyways, I don't care, I need to go back to talk about my sex life in the skirm channel.'' -Jev

Many letters (including love ones) were sent to regiment WatchJäger TANK, we managed to get an answer at least:

''Listen, last time the FAKE news was out for a while, we got the giveaway project and now people get free games every week. You can ask me to show my legendary calves, I'll do it, you can ask me to become the next skirm officer, i'll do it, but that's not all that I do. I'm more of a proactive, I like giving people things they didn't know they wanted, and i'm not talking about my d*ck. So let me work on my new project for giveaways, tell Wingbump to shut his mouth and Mmmmkay to open hers, because another big thing is coming and it's gonna release really soon because i'm excited to work on it (see what I did there)'' -Tank

We are still eager to see that FAKE interview and curious about development on this story. Stay connected!

ATTENDANCE LOWERS AS HOLDFAST DECLARED ''NOT ANIME ENOUGH''            2020-08-08 

You want to make sure Holdfast gets enough attendance? Easy solution, put more anime hot chicks in it. That's the solution proposed by members of the 7.Fuß on saturday. With the rising popularity of ''Girl Und Panzer'', japanese proved that war and anime make a perfect fit and should thus be considered to make a jump in Holdfast.

''We have TRR skins or even 29th skins, now imagine a line infantry skin of a japanese ''18'' year old hot girl in a schoolgirl uniform, how wouldn't that attract people?'' -CookieRawr

''Girls and panzers, that's what Holdfast needs, it's as hot as Valk's mortar skills'' - Buddha

Even website administrators TANK and ApexPhantom are considering modifying their giveaway strategy to offer more anime centered games, as Bioshock and Vermintide aren't impressive enough compared to manga boobs. As japanese culture influences regiment members even more, 7.Fuß Major Jev Anthens changed his Japan Cupid profile description to add ''Hi, i'm Jev, can I interest you in joining my holdfast regiment?''.

 

49th INFILTRATES 7.FUß AS HYDRA INFILTRATED SHIELD                                                2020-08-04 

The 49th decretely leaked documents tonight as we learn that they have infiltrated the 7.Fuß. Everything happened when Mathers revealed his true colors and started to put the 49th's plan in motion bu recruiting Christnogol into the regiment. Baffling everyone with a small rank of Füsilier, Christnogol revealed intentions to reform secret top tier artillery detachment within the 7.Fuß.

Super Kapitain ApexPhantom attempted to ruin the founding 49th member with a ruse that lead to Christ shaking his desk and breaking his grandma's glass and some other things. Plan to overthrow the 7.Fuß leadership may have been ruined in this epic attempt.

''I'm really opened to a top tier artillery detachment named the 49th artillerie, I mean, do I need to say more? I'm a mortar master you m*therf*ckers! You can go to hell, hail arty!'' -Valkyrian

''About time something happens in artillery, I was tired of hearing about the Jägers'' -No one ever

All this 24h before the website's big reveal, 7.Fuß sure is exciting these days.

 

FAKE INTERVIEWS PAGE DISAPEAR, ILLUMINATI SUSPECTED                                       2020-08-03 

The very waited for ''Fake Interviews'' section suddenly disapeared on the 7.Fuß website in the night between sunday and monday. Still no comment can be obtained from website responsibles TANK and ApexPhantom. Going around the regiment, people are starting to be scared.

''Yo, I mean, I knew some sections of the website, like players profiles, weren't updated until we got more news about the merge with the 47e, but now they remove entertainement sections? And what's about that big ''?'' sign on the home page's slideshows. It's illuminati man, for sure'' -Creeepy

The big  ''?'' sign also appeared last night in the picture slideshow, with absolutely no details. No new pages were added, only the Fake Interview section removed. We we able to contact specialized hacker masters that found out that the coding for the website was a bit off track, meaning that new content has been added but there are no links to these pages.

''Something big's coming, and i'm not talking about Jev's ego'' - Brad

''Who' Brad?'' - 7.Fuß Recruits

We will still have to wait on more interesting development on this story, stay tuned and let's all hope for the best.

 

SECRET PAGE ON 7.FUß  WEBSITE KEEPS PEOPLE BUSY ON BORING FRIDAY         2020-07-24 

A secret page made it to the website on friday night. Apparently it made some bored people look for it. Very few clues were found except that, apparently, the page is accessible by clicking a secret dot '' . '' in a light grey circle, making it very hard to find on the white background webpage. The '' . '' in the circle is apparently found on one of the numerous pages on the website and only allows you to win a FRIGGIN NICE 1$ game (seriously, it's like an epic 1$ game). It's the first time that the regiment tries something like this and, apparently, could repeat the event if it's popular.

''Wow'' - Big Booger Bobby

Prize has BEEN found, good job Beeny! Who wins a key to GOLDEN AXE II

 

 

SpiNn GETS ENOUGH RECRUITS TO START THE 2.FUß                                                           2020-07-13 

Kexom was for a long time the leading man in recruitment, until SpiNn arrived. The guy got some decent medals, got promoted to Gefreiter, brought in some recruits and then got awarded the Iron Cross, the most valuable and highest honnor medal possible. So what's next for the Lineman? 

 

Rumors go around that SpiNn could actually start his own regiment, which puts pressure on the current 7.Fuß officers to start 3rd Kompanie quicker than expected, aiming at SpiNn to take an officer role when he gets enough experience

 

''I kept proposing feet pic to everyone and go around with my classic I'm a gamer girl join te regiment... but I can't match SpiNn, it's kind of frustrating'' -Mmmmmkay

 

''It's great to have SpiNn around, I can finally take time off to concentrate on my Hentai'' -Kexom

 

 The recruits come at a perfect time as the regiment celebrates his first year anniversary. Celebrations were supposed to start from july 10th, but everyone got so drunk and f*cked up that celebrations were delayed until further notice. 

''Lucky we made a gaming screenshot competition, because if I had screenshots from the 1 year celebration party night i'd be in jail.'' -Mathers

 

STOCKMARKET  SKYROCKETS DUE TO MERGE RUMORS                                                    2020-07-05 

With all the rumors of a potential merge between the 7.Fuß and the 47e, the stockmarket exploded on sunday night. The value of the shares doubled around 10 pm before reaching an impressive 300% jump a little later during the night. Analysts can already predict that price of shower curtains will reach a record price very soon. 

''Current items and merch could become collection items if a merge between the two most awesome regiments happen, it will not be pretty'' -Mathers

The housing market could also be affected by a big margin, augmenting the value of every single tent in the training server. Most of these tents by the church and the training camp were still not occupied, but with two regiments merging, the demand should rise. Fellow regiment couple Mmmmkay and Samwise decided to pull their in server house from the market.

''Having a dumbass scotish child and a physical embodiement of an anal fisher as a wife necessitates a bigger house, but i'm not stupid, i'll wait for the market to go up'' -Samwise

 

The only uncertainty is value of feet pics. The most prized possession right now might lose a bit of value since the 47e are more of hands and fingers pics. According the some experts, this could potentially cause a  civil war in a near future. Twitter is already preparing their servers for a potential surge of #TeamFeet and #TeamHand.

 

REGIMENT SUPPORTS THROAT CANCER CAUSE FOR WINGBUMP                                 2020-07-04 

Wingbump, regiment Kannoneer, apparently developped virtual throat cancer today. All sources indicate that smoking is not the cause of his sore throat, but and argument for filling a player profile survey 5 months late. 

''Well, Karma's a bitch'' -God

Fellow regiment member started arguing with TANK around 9:30 pm, and since the Toxicity level was very high in the Teamspeak (Wiki, Wingbump, Templar, and more connected) poor Wingbump succumbed to the disease. Apparently he will try to go to church tommorrow to receive God's pardon.

 

''Won't work, that bitch should've filled the survey in time'' -God, again

 

People coming in the Teamspeak were without clue of what was happening and just blamed Wingbump for being a pain in the ass. When they realized about his virtual throat cancer... well they still treated him as a pain in the ass. Regiment Kaptain ApexPhantom made an effort to make people aware of the importance of a medics in game. 

''We have enough people dying from canonballs and muskets, virtual cancer can't start being a bitch on our members'' -ApexPhantom 

Regiment was praised by online community for showing their support for the cause but putting a white * at the top of their website home page. The 7.Fuß really is the greatest regiment to be a part of in 2020 #JoinUs #PraiseJev

 

BREAKING NEWS - PEOPLE PREFER TO BE OUTSIDE DURING SUMMER                     2020-07-01 

Recent surveys and attendence levels showed a very unexpected behavior in regiment members of the 7.Fuß lately. Apparently, people prefer to spend time outside rather than playing video games. A lot of experts are on the case and analyzing this weird behavior that could related to side effects of the Covid-19. 

 

''Nerds prefering the sun over video games? What else? Skipping events to get laid? Gimme a break'' -ApexPhantom

 

The COs and NCOs of the regiment might relate these numbers to the President's words and actions encouraging people to get outside to keep the economy up and running, and are pleased to see that Governors like Ron DeSantis from Florida came to his sense and started reconfining his state so that nerds can get back to Holdfast.

 

''I was listening to President Trump's reccomendations, but then Governor DeSantis made me realize that going outside is so lame and so overrated compared to playing Cavalry 3 times a week...'' - Tex, Feldjäger

The message from the online community is clear; people have to realize that going outside is pretty lame. Plans for publishing the 7.Fuß website even got delayed because of people not visiting the unpublished version at the moment.

''Gamers going outside, please, what the f*ck is going on? Website visits have been going down and it can only be the one logical explanation, not like the website hasn't been updated for weeks.... oh...'' -TANK, Feldjäger

The future of the regiment is at stakes right now, recruiting became number one priority. So many recruits joined the regiment recently that Major LOS was almost miraculously cured and got out of his wheelchair by confirming recruit forms on the discord everyday.

''I was never in a wheelchair, it's all Wiki's immagination'' lied LOS when commenting on the situation. Donations to the regiment have been temporarily assigned to encourage a cure for the regiment leader's disability. Visit the Donations section of the website for more information.

 

POGOSTUCK RAGE SENDS TANK TO THE MENTAL HOSPITAL                                          2020-06-11 

7.Fuß  Website received news that fellow regiment member TANK was received in a mental hospital late last night after attempting to move forward in the game Pogostuck. The Feldjäger started playing the game a couple of days ago with fellow members MmmmKay, Beeny, Budha, Samwise and a lot of others. It took hours for them to reach 35% of the game completion (14% in Mmmmkay's case), and for TANK and Beeny it became an obsession to finish the game. The Feldjäger reached 43% of game completion before being sent back to 34% with a misjump.

Police officers found TANK's appartment with flipped chairs and tables in all rooms, some of them not even belonging the the competitive member

''We think he practiced with stolen chairs and desk before sending his own into oblivion with a 720 desk flip. This game can turn the wisest men into what they swore to never become, indie gamers...'' - Police Officer Richard Theriault

Apparently all other Pogostuck players have an eye kept on them by the regiment management, which is gonna be easier to do when Mr. Bill Gates human micro chips will be inserted in the whole population via the COVID-19 vaccine. 

''The Covd-19 vaccine will help to bring an end to the rage created by Pogostuck, we don't want any other regiment members to sink like that. But in the end, it's all Beeny's fault'' -Jev

 

 

FAMILY/IDENTITY CRISIS CAUSES A TOTAL FREEZE OF 7.FUß ACTIVITY                  2020-05-31 

What do you do when you have an identity crisis? You look back to your roots. But what happens if your roots are unclear? According the 7.Fuß officials, you have to make back your family tree. Activity completely stopped thi sunday as the prop hunt server was shut down in an emergency measure so that all members of the 7.Fuß can settle the missing genomes. 

We learned about Jev and Brad being brothers and spawning LOS, lot of the 49th's offsprings and the Black Eagles adoptions and desinherited cousins. The bout confused a lot of regiment members as they did not know about their ancestors, thinking for the whole time that every holdfast player's roots came from JRod and Dinosaurs. 

The family tree also revealed the secret of Wiki's dad mystery as Swagnar was confirmed to be his dad, and MK to be the mom, explaining Wiki's ebony and scotish accent. The remaining of the discussion centered around who spawned who in the regiment. Gmod activity resumed a little later in the night

 

 

REGIMENT MEMBER TJ MCGOWEN'S NEW ALBUM HITS THE CHARTS                     2020-05-28 

Amazing news for all of TJ McGowen (a.k.a Wiki)'s fans today as his latest album just hit the charts. Finishing #1 on Deezer lite's new discoveries, #121 987th on spotify and #234 877 on apple music, McGowen's genius tracks might exactly be what your summer vibes need. 

His album titled ''Letter from april 30th'', distributed by Anthens Production, regroups a lot of insane collabs, great hit songs and amazing remakes of cult classics. Physical copies of the audio CD can already be found in any Target's discount bins but hurry up before they're sold out, or before they end up in the trash. Track list leaked earlier yesterday and you can see it here with an exclusive preview of the #1 Hit ''For the longest time'': 

1. But James...
2. For the longest time



3. Toxic (ft. MK)

4. Baffoon City B*tch (ft. Templar)

5. Went out for beer & steak (ft. Bobby)

6. Another brick in the Berlin wall

7. Smells like SCP spirit (ft. Beeny)

8. Why are you the way you are

9. Pepe Hands

10. Bohemian Jevsody (that's a Yikes)

11. To be or not to be... not to be

12. Young blood from Scotland

13. But..bu.. wa..bu..No, please! 

14. Busy making Bear P's

15. Buckle up Buckaroo

7.FUß DECLARED WORST REGIMENT IN GROUNDBREAKING VIDEO                            2020-05-24 

What DOES makes a good or a bad regiment? What are the criterias? How do we evaluate those things, and who should be taken seriously in those evaluations. Well all answers to these questions were revealed last night by regiment merc WOKE SKID on the most important youtube video that was ever released about Holdfast. We learned that to be able to judge a regiment's quality, all you need to do is infiltrate a regiment, post a ranting video on youtube and just share it to your 4 subsribers.

The credible critic established all the rules of holdfast regiments and was able to completely destroy 2 years of functionnal and respectful regiment practices.

''We were all wrong all this time, I can't believe we were such a bad and noob regiment all this time'' -29th Source

''I was completely enlightened. I can't believe I had private 1st class as recruiting, i'm so dumb'' -McCormack (TRRB)

''Using forms to recruit people, I can't believe we've been blind for so long. This is not JUST a GAME, it's Holdfast for f*ck's sake, we should've checked social insurance numbers all that time...'' -LOS (7Fuß)

The video's author WOKE SKID apparently had reflexions about this blue ocean strategy for regiments in the basement of hi mom's house. We tried to reach someone from the surburban home for a couple of hours, but all we could get out of this trip is a high salute from fellow regiment skirmisher Bobby, who was out to buy beer and steak. 

The video is 10 minutes long and includes aproximately 47 seconds of constructive feedback, 7 minutes of reading what's on screen and about 2 minutes of clicking sound, which puts to shame professionnal critics from many domains as they usually build content with 99% constructive commentating. 

''I'm gonna change my ways. I reviewed movies for years now and I realise my critics just needed more clicking, this video is ground breaking'' -Isaac Feldberg, Rotten Tomatoes

 

7.FUß MERCH GOES TRENDING, SUPPORTED BY KANYE                                                       2020-05-12 

The regiment merchandise sales went way up last weekend when Kanye West, a.k.a. the Black Eagle, offered his wife the ultimate present: A ''Gamer Jev'' mini skirt. Everyone started hashtags 7Fuss (some White Coats going for 7Fub) and internet is currently going crazy for the merchandise, available on the 7.Fuß website. 

''I'm the Black Eagle, I can touch the sky, and 7.Fuß merch can represent that. I already got my black eagle hoodie and there's no way me or Kim shall take a shower without the 7.Fuß shower curtain.'' -Kanye West

Other noticable top sellers include the ''Shut up Swagnar!'' mug, ''why are you the way you are'' stickers and ''I blocked that, but ok'' women panties, which caused an uprising of femenist all around the world for some reason. Comments from Anthens-Los design reveal that more products are coming soon and should include clothes to cover your whole body with Gamer Jev. 

 

 

REGIMENTAL DRAMA INSPIRES REALITY TV OF PEOPLE WHO CAN'T COUNT    2020-05-06          

What's better than hot people on an island who can't fuck, better than then a hot dumb guy giving away a rose to a dumb bitch and better than Gordon Ramsey yelling at.... well ok, maybe not that. The answer didn't seem obvious  until this past wednesday night. After an epic moment of inspiration from a Jackbox session, regimental drama inspired ''Anthens Productions'', the 7.Fuß production studio, to produce content about the most epic subject available on internet at the moment: people who can't count. 

The show is set to record very soon, starring Ron Swanson as a mystery contender called ''the swapper''. Original contenders audition will start soon. Apparently the production is looking for people with very specific criterias: Can't count how many members of a regiment leaves, toxic as fuck, seeking trouble during a jackbox game, and loves to get ban at 2 a.m. Representative from Anthens Production confirmed that they found 6 very good candidates for the show and only two spots remain, although the 6 candidates are absolutely convinced that the roster is complete. 

 

A lot of support submerged the internet today as support for the Director, Jev, as he works very hard to turn almost impossible drama into an entertaining show, a very difficult task for a full time regiment leader and part time psychiatrist for toxic people who can't understand a simple fact: it's just a game
 

 

7.FUß CAVALRY COMMITS SUICIDES AFTER WITNESSING TRR CAV                             2020-05-01

 

Performance of the TRR Cavalry was so obviously out of rules that the 7.Fuß Cavalry opted to commit suicide in-game on the 63e friday line-battle. Feldjäger Wachtmeister Kexom charged the middle of the map within the very first minutes of the first round. The surprising factor is the fact that the Jägers got 17 kills before dying, which they explained by saying ''We can be stupid sometimes but we can't be shitty players either''. Nothing made much sense of the way they played on friday night until an explanation leaked of the group; they were sober. 

''We were told to Be Brave, so the bravest thing we were able to come up with is playing sober'' - Prometheus

The event rules highlighted the Jägers again, which indirectly frustrated the Artillerie department. 

''News article are always about the Jägers like one of them was writing them. We feel like the accountants of the regiment'' -Anonymous source

This also explained why the newly promoted Oberjäger Maestro, who got his promotion to increase his orgasm numbers, joined the Kanon Gruppe teamspeak channel for one full round.

''I feel like we have a responsibility to make them relevant sometimes, being sober I needed to change my mind so I felt generous'' -Maestro

CATCHPHRASES BANNED IRL AFTER ABUSE DURING JOKE BOAT                                  2020-04-25

Sad day for a big part of Holdfast player community as the usage of catchphrases were banned this evening after a horrible abuse during the Jackbox game session of Joke Boat. Catchphrases were a thing when they were good, like ''I'll be back'' from terminator, or ''Why so serious?'' from the Dark Knight, but it became a whole new story after some comedians jumped on a boat and released catchphrases such as ''Is that your divorce?'' or ''They call me compact car''

The Joke Boat game occured on april 24th, but catchphrase ban started today when the TRR linebattle began. People where already sick of hearing catchphrases and then Regiment Korporal H311R41SER went the the Jäger channel to talk to TANK about something to modify on his website's profile. After acknowledging what was wrong, TANK said he would modify it, and H311R41SER went with a very innocent ''Thank you man'', which TANK replied ''No problem man, TANK you too...''. The breaking point was reached.  Still no news on the situation from the 7Fuß officers who refused to comment on the event under the pretext that they suspect an alien hides among them and are waiting for bioscanner results.

COMMUNITY NIGHT RENAMED ''DAY OFF'' AFTER LOW ATTENDANCE                     2020-04-23

A community is built by it's people, and the 7.Fuß has an incredible group of the funniest, most brilliant and amazing group of people available online, and Wiki. As great as this statement is, thursday night community nights became a ghost town recently, compared to other event attendance. Even if they are making record attendance on event nights and great attendance on training days, it seems that when it's time to be friendly, the regiment struggles, as seen by these quotes:

''Fuck you MK'' - Fi-Loy

''FUCK YOU KEXOM'' - Tank

''Shut up Wiki!'' - 7.Fuß Regiment

The regiment players reached an all time low hours played on games such as Jackbox, TTT, Prop Hunt and Minecraft. Only one game appart from Holdfast apparently still gathers a lot of players, fellow sponsor RAID: SHADOW LEGENDS reports that they are still the #1 mobile game. Regiment officers hope that the attendance of community nights grows back to a decent number next week as GMOD host ApexPhantom keeps putting up 10 000 data packs online to attract newer players and simplify their GMOD experience.

 

MAESTRO GETS ORGASM WHEN ASKED TO LEAD, SEEKS MAJORSHIP                       2020-04-20

A weird sight for half of the regiment on Monday during internal line battles when Supreme Leader Jev asked Maestro to lead the first round. The reflexion moment was very short and led to some intense reaction from the Feldjäger.

''Ughhhhhh Ahhhhhhhh Uummmm Ooooooo Yeah.... sure''

The quote motivated the team, wich was led to victory immediately and speculation about Maestro wanting to apply for the role of Major quickly erupted on social media. A lot of Holdfast players proposed the theory that the Feldjäger position Maestro occupies gives him fewer line leading occasions, resulting in fewer orgasms. 

 

The victory was then quickly erased from everyone's memory when fellow player Artemisfox came up with a game breaking strategy. During the last internal, line leader Artemis called for the ''snake tactic'', consisting of moving the line like a snake. The tactic proved to be 'almost' invincible and might be considered game breaking according to some players. We are still waiting on comment from Anvil Games about this situation wich will need to be adressed in a future update of the game. Players frustrated from this situation were then invited to let off some steam in a melee competition.  

RON PROMOTED TO JÄGER LEUTNANT, TOO HIGH TO REALIZE                                        2020-04-19

 

 

It was a very special night for our fellow regiment member Ron Swanson. After dominating as a Skirm leader, Ron finally got promoted to Jäger Leutnant this sunday, a very earned reward. That's how we remember it, but Ron on the other hand was high. Hurried to end the ceremony to play Banner Lord, Ron will soon realise his rank change as soon as he gets sober.

Sunday night Ceremony was special for many as we also saw Petrus become Gefreiter. Many regiment members thought the translation led to something like ''Mass Talker in Charge'' or ''Opinion on everything master'' as ApexPhantom pronounced his speech:

 

''You've been around for a long time, and even if you sometimes get under people's bad side, we are promoting you to the rank of Gefreiter''

 

But no, the translation clearly shows Lance Corporal, making us wonder if google translate is as high as Ron, who did not give his officer award for discord either. The event ended with most players gone to play Banner Lord, and AwannabeBudha losing his Queen very early in a game of Chess against MK (he apparently still won the bout).

MK CHALLENGES JEV FOR REGIMENT LEAD, GETS DEFEATED                                           2020-04-18

 

 

This past Saturday was something special for the regiment as a major event occured on League of Legends. Regiment members from all over the world were invited to Discord for a very special streaming event and oh boy was it something special. Fans were treated with gold commentating from fellow Holdfast player ApexPhantom, offering hilarious commentating with his co-host Hellraiser. Not knowing anything about the game, Apex was able to please the crowd by pushing a nice caricature-esque commentating with highlights like ''That little white furball with red eyes, watching the action, is very disturbing.''

He was able to use his non existent knowledge of the game to make people laugh out loud by calling everything with another name. 

''Jev makes a push, sends his little oompa loompas to attack MK's tower, but has to retreat. This reminds me of tonight sponsor, RAID: Shadow Legends''

Hellraiser tried his best to offer some decent explanation to the unfolding action, but it was no use. ApexPhantom was on fire and couldn't care less. After name dropping 22 different sponsors, the stream came to an end with a lot of fan appreciation. Oh, and Jev won, if you cared to know. 

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